The past

I am just so happy today. I didn't sleep last night as I was busy watching America's Next Top Model Cycle 11. There were only 5 episodes available for viewing and I'm yearning for the next episode to come out! Anyway, what do I like about it? Well, firstly there are a lot of beautiful girls to look at. I mean, who doesn't like to? And don't get me wrong, it's nothing like what you are thinking right now. I'm totally straight.

I love watching movies. I can watch whatever movies that are on the TV. I still remember I used to rush back home just to watch Rosalinda, a Latin movie that was aired around 2 or 3 something. There were also times when I rushed back just to watch Thai movies and Indo movies. Bawang putih dan bawang merah. Haha since I do not have any Astro back then, I have to 'find' my own entertainment. Ah reminiscence, reminiscence. Those were the days.

I have been thinking a lot about the past recently. Is it perhaps that I am afraid that I will forget about the past when I get older? Well, I seem to get older and more forgetful nowadays. Anyway, the memory lane that I have been walking back a lot recently is my past experience of studying accounting in Sunway college. Those days were... how do I put it? Full of ups and downs? The ups were meeting new friends in which I totally do not regret as I met a few of my best friends there, speaking English everyday (I regard that as good because it really helped me a lot), going to Sunway pyramid almost everyday, movies, dining, karaoke, bowling- ah- one word- entertainment.

I would have to say that the only down side of it is the stress. And for the record, I didn't stop my course because I failed them. In fact, I passed all the papers that I sat for, just to set it straight for those who thought that I stopped because I failed. Some of you may think that aiya... what's so hard about accounting...? Debit and credit only ma... Well if that is your perception of it, you are wrong.

There are a lot of things that needs to be memorised. The Peter Drucker's theory... Comb's theory... and whatsoever. The worst past is that I still remember for my first week in college back then, it was the most dreadful time of my life. After I finished class, I would head straight back to the hostel and start studying again until night. I was really afraid of failing and the thought of failing any of the papers was just nerve wrecking. There were just too much of burden on my shoulders at that time. That is why I studied so hard for the first week until I had the final straw when I broke down and told my parents that I wanted to change course on the last day when they were still in KL. I told them accounting is just not my thing. They told me to continue for another sem and then I could decide on whether I want to change my course.

So I continued for another sem and I have to say that the remaining days were blissful. Why? Well, the moment I heard that I could change course the following year, I started to let go of it. I no longer had the stress that I had for the first week. I learnt that if I want and yearn for something too badly, there might be complications-stress for instance. That is why nowadays, I start to let go of things and just follow the flow of it. I know that a lot will think that I am always studying as my results were quite... okay? Perhaps they would imagine that I would be like those sleeping late at night with a Maths book on my left hand and another graphics calculator on my right hand. I do not wish to explain in front of them as I know that they would retaliate and it is just a waste of my breathe. Typing seems easier.

But the truth is, I am only hardworking when it comes down to assignments. I have this habbit of rushing the projects way before the deadline as I hate the feel of something incomplete that awaits me to finish on the next day when I wake up. That is why I will always spend a lot of time on assignments so that I can deliver things, fast. As for the studying part, I do not want history to repeat itself once again. That is why I seldom study unless there are tests or exams. I do not want myself to get too stressed out over a few petty tests or exams. Furthermore, I know that I'm going to get my degree anyway.

I do not like to procrastinate for assignments but it is a different story for studying. What is the use of studying way before a test or an exam? I have no super memory and I am sure that by the time the exam comes, I would have already forgotten everything that I have studied. So why let my mind so worked out? Furthermore, everything seems fresh when it has just been keyed in to my mind a few days before a test.

Malaysians in general view As as the most important thing in studies and I have no exception. And it is the way of our Asian upbringing and Malaysian education system that cause us to be like this. kiasu.

I have to say, it is not the end result that matters but it is the process that matters. There have been quite a handful of situations to make me realise this. Remember! Those that do not break you only makes you stronger! It is these tiny little details of life's processes that make us pull through problems. I do not regret going through the insecurities that I used to have as it is those things that made me the person I am today. I have grown out of it. Have you?